Wednesday, 15 January 2020

2020 here we come

I wonder if I might rant a little?
The new year has just hatched and I already feel somewhat overwhelmed.
Okay, not overwhelmed... despondent, or lost, or something.
I actually made a voice recording with the intent of making a video, but I don't even know if I am going to do that now.  I feel too 'bleh'.  I lived with this illusion that if I just have time to create work then it will start to grow, hopefully enough to sustain me financially.  So last year I took a sabbatical (for my health, for my heart and to see what I can do) and I thought that within 3/4 months the graphic novel I am working on will be complete.  If I work consistent then I'd be able to complete it.  Well, work I did.  I drew constantly on average 7hrs a day (never less than 6) five days a week and about four hours during the weekend.  I drew and drew and drew, and I loved it.  I surprised myself by learning that I can actually draw a whole day, that I have the self-disciple to do it consistently and that I really loved working on my own, alone in the studio.  The quiet you feel is great.  There is no-one to disturb your workflow.  And if you need  to take a little break, there's no-one to judge you or watch you.  And although I mainly drew and worked during the day, whenever I needed to urgently go to the store to buy new art supplies, I could.  No waiting for the clock to tell me I am allowed to leave the studio desk.

But I underestimated the time needed to complete the novel, and by July I realised that the 4month deadline I set for myself wasn't going to materialise.  This was fine since I still had the second semester of the year left.  So I kept on drawing and drawing.  And by the second half of the year I felt freer from societal structure.  I felt like I became a new person.

So I drew until December!  The last page was drawn by the middle of the month and I was so happy.  Then I took a two week holiday and suddenly 2020 is here.  Thus although I finished the drawings the novel is still not complete.  I need to complete the layout and other things.

And although I am very pleased with the drawings being done, I actually needed that second half of the year to begin a new body of work for future illustration work.  This means that today I still haven't got a completed novel nor do I have a portfolio.  Nor do I have clear direction where I want my artwork to flow to in the future.

And don't even get me started on the social media thing.  So no, not overwhelmed, maybe underwhelmed? if ever there is such a word.  The ebb and flow of life.  I don't know what the new year holds in store artistically, but I hope that I won't let any time get lost or wasted.  I hope I will used every opportunity available and make it work.