October: What a year so far

2020, what a year! The last post I wrote in January, but I had no idea that the rest of the couple months would also be as hectic.  It's been a challenging year so far.  Many people have lost their jobs due to the pandemic & lockdown rules, while others live in uncertainty whether they will receive their salary at the end of the month.  All the uncertainty of the times bred so many conspiracies and more fears.  Like a million spiders breaking through their shells & running across the world.

I began working at a new job in the beginning of the year and felt overwhelmed with the amount of preparation work I had to complete before the start of the academic year.  It was also a challenge to step into the shoes of a position previously held by a person who has worked there since the beginning.  It felt as though I was compared to her.  But I should mention that was a feeling on my part and not necessarily the truth.  I set my own standards, and sometimes I'm too harsh with myself.

And then the lockdown happened.

Initially we were told it would last 21days, which was extended with two more weeks.

And then I realised these restrictions weren't going to disappear soon.  It was our new normal.

It was also stressful, to be paid less, but having to work from home using our own equipment, when equipment breaks; you can't replace it since all online shopping was also frozen.

And as luck would have it, my laptop broke on the day lockdown began.  My amazing boyfriend sat for a week trying to recover lost data on the computer, rebuilding a computer and fixing a laptop.  He sat up until the early hours of night, after night until there was a workable computer for me.  He really rescued the situation.  I am so grateful for him.  He is a blessing in my life.  It is during times of crisis they say a person's true light shines through, and I saw his light is pure.  So for all the bad stuff that happened and the  people who were insensitive or dismissive and all the other things I don't even want to mention of the year, there is one thing I am grateful for and that is, him.  God has been gracious to me.  

There are dreamless times, when your head hits the pillow and you're gone.  When you wake up you're so happy to have returned to your waking life, you want to jump up out of the bed and live.  Then there are dream phases.  Times in your life when nearly every night is an episode from the bizarre mind soapie.  I'm currently in a dream phase.  The dreams have the audacity to enter the waking life and bother me.  Last night I dreamt there was a great eagle, nearly as tall as a human.  People were gawking at the huge bird from their balcony and taking pictures of the bird.  The bird began to enjoy it and posed for them.  After he was satisfied, he began to eat them.  I was this outsider, who realised that the bird allowed his meal to take hunting photos for him.

At first I was upset about all the dreams.  How did this surrealism enter my life?  But I felt better once I read that we undergo a lot of growth and internal change during dream phases.  This is definitely a growing and changing time for me.  I'm excited that I can grow.  I believe it prepares me for beautiful realisations about life.

It's October and that means it is Inktober time.  I participated for the first time last year and really enjoyed it.  Thus I decided to participate again.  I'm not using the official prompt list.  The one thing I loved about the exercise last year was the spontaneity.  At that time I had a lot of other illustration work, as well as other design work that was very concept driven.  It was a nice reprieve to just draw, and draw for fun.  I decided to keep it simple this year as well, by using a theme that was broad enough that it was easy to sit and immediately begin to draw.  My goal is to draw 31 drawings (last year my goal was 20).  The theme I choose is to draw film stills.  So whereas last year I drew various African animals and birds, this year I am drawing people.  Film stills are fun, because it has interesting layouts and facial expressions.

I made one video of the process work for the Youtube channel (it will be posted on Friday).  I couldn't make more videos since all my equipment broke.  I am however posting the drawings I make daily on Instagram.

The other fun part about Inktober is the opportunity to see work by other artists and illustrators and lovers of art.  

May you be blessed, xE.

Loss and Liminality

Dear friends

It’s been a while since I last wrote.

Quite recently I’ve watched a video crit on the film, “Spirited Away”.  In that video I came across the term liminality, which describes a transitional phase you could find yourself in, as with the main character of the aforementioned film.  I realized I am in such a phase.  Things I could use to define myself before, I can’t anymore.  I’ve lost a lot of things, and people the past two years. 

My grandmother passed away at the end of 2017.  She had a great influence in my life and I missed her dearly.   I used her life story as the foundation of my project, “Weerkaatsing”, and her sudden death left me heartbroken and directionless.  I did not know in which direction the project could or should turn next.  I didn’t know if I could still tell a story if she was not here to read it. 

At the same time our department got shut down and my colleague and I were suddenly without jobs.  They ‘let go’ of me, but I couldn’t as easily let go of the idea of not being a lecturer.  I loved my work with the students and believed I would be an educator for a long time.

There were other losses too.   Internal ones.  Things I realized that with time, I could no longer be.  

I couldn’t draw for a year. 

It was a rough time. 

My colleague and I collaborated to launch an online graphic design school.  It was a great project, and a lot of hard work.  We had big dreams, but amidst this time, my colleague and friend got diagnosed with cancer.  It was difficult news to digest, because I walked a road with her the previous two years when her mother and then her sister both battled with cancer.  And now it was her.

Many of our plans for marketing for the online school, had to be put on ice until she was strong enough to work.  By the end of last year she seemed to be out of the woods.   During December her sister’s condition worsened and she passed away by the end of January this year.  Before the family could mourn her death, my friend started to experience terrible headaches.  At first they thought it was TB, but it became clear that the cancer spread to her brain. 

She’s been in and out of the hospital for weeks.  Friends prayed for her and visited her in hospital.  Every time I went to visit her I could see how the cancer was eating away her life.  She didn’t want us to be sad or teary around her.  How difficult it is to smile for your friend’s sake, but then cry when you’re sitting in the car at the hospital’s parking lot.  Or when you’re sitting alone at home and it suddenly hits you -  She is talking about herself as if she won’t be here anymore.

Her memorial was held on Friday.  She’s been my colleague and friend for nearly a decade.  We shared a lot of secrets together, and a lot of dreams.

You might have seen previous posts this year on the blog – specifically videos.  I created a Youtube channel, aptly named ArtGerminate (to correspond with this blog), mainly to release some of the videos of the course I developed last year (Effortless Website Design).  The purpose was to showcase some of the videos so prospective students could see what product they would buy.

I don’t think I will be able to continue the online graphic design school without her.  She was the one who spearheaded the marketing distribution, whilst I contributed to course content and blog posts.  I have completed the development of the online course.  As I mentioned, it was a LOT of hard work - research, script writing for each video, voice over work, video, photography of photos used in the sample project and of course final editing - all done by me.  I have learned so much, but it is dreadful to think that no one will benefit from the course.   I’ve decided to release the whole course on my Youtube channel, ArtGerminate, for free.  I will spread out the upload of the videos. 

The course is aimed at graphic designers or people with a creative background who want to learn more about the foundation of HTML5 and CSS3.  If you want to be able to understand a little bit of the code, and not be constrained by template based website design, this is an excellent introduction course.  It is developed to be very practical.  Step-by-step we create a website together, from start to finish.  And a little bit of theory is sprinkled on top to provide enough understanding of what you’re doing.

So if you’re interested, or you know of someone who will benefit from such a course, you can direct them to my Youtube channel, ArtGerminate, and make sure they subscribe so they can be notified of a new video once it is uploaded.

Here is a link to the latest video I uploaded: Resizing Images for Website Design

I don’t know what is next for me, but I am drawing again.

Thank you for your continued support.

Grace & Peace,

E